My friend invited me to her wedding, then asked every guest to pay $75 for dinner. Am I rude if I decline?
— Broke, Not Bitter
Advice with polish, perspective and a little bite
Mind your P’s.
Question your Q’s.
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A friend asked me to cook for her dinner party. Now she says asking her to reimburse the groceries is tacky. Who is wrong?
— Accidental Caterer
Is reclining my airplane seat rude when the person behind me is using a laptop?
— Flying Upright
My coworker sends long voice notes for everything. May I ask her to stop?
— Held Hostage by Audio
Can I post group photos if one person says she hates how she looks?
— Ready to Share
A friend invited us to dinner, ordered several bottles of wine, then split the bill evenly. I don’t drink. What should I say?
— Sober and Shortchanged
The invitation says no children, but my babysitter canceled. Can I bring my daughter anyway?
— One Seat Short
I was invited to the bridal shower but not the wedding. Do I still have to send a gift?
— Confused on the Guest List
A guest announced her pregnancy during my birthday dinner. Was that inappropriate?
— Upstaged at Sixty
We received a wedding invitation but my partner’s name was not included. May I add him to the RSVP?
— Plus-One Puzzled
How long do I have to send a thank-you note after receiving a wedding gift?
— Buried in Boxes
My relatives keep asking why I am not married. How can I stop the questions without starting a fight?
— Single, Not Seeking Review
A friend always arrives 30 minutes late. Should I start giving her an earlier time?
— Waiting Again
My sister shares every family disagreement with people online. May I ask her to stop?
— Private by Preference
Do I have to keep lending money to a relative who never repays me?
— Family ATM
My houseguest stayed three days longer than we agreed. How do I get my home back?
— Hostage Host
My boss messages me late at night and expects an immediate response. What should I do?
— Always on Call
A coworker keeps interrupting me in meetings. How can I stop it professionally?
— Not Finished Speaking
Is it rude to decline a coworker’s social-media friend request?
— Colleague, Not Confidante
Someone took credit for my idea in a meeting. Do I correct them in front of everyone?
— Missing From the Credits
Should I tell a colleague that her strong perfume is affecting me?
— Breathing Carefully
How quickly am I expected to answer a text message?
— Blue-Bubble Burnout
Is it rude to send someone a voice message without asking first?
— Press Play Again
Can I add people to a group chat without asking them?
— Trapped in the Thread
My friend keeps tagging me in unflattering photos. What should I say?
— Unready for My Close-Up
Is using my phone at the table always rude?
— Expecting a Call
May I send food back if I simply do not like what I ordered?
— Regretting the Risotto
Who pays when someone says, ‘Let’s have lunch’ in a business setting?
— Checking the Check
Is it acceptable to pick up a Japanese soup bowl and drink from it?
— Wondering Over Miso
A guest told me about a dietary restriction after dinner was served. Must I make another meal?
— Surprised in the Kitchen
Can I ask to split a restaurant check by what each person ordered?
— Had the Salad
The passenger beside me wants to talk for the entire flight. How do I end the conversation?
— Quiet at Cruising Altitude
Is it acceptable to save pool chairs for family members who will arrive hours later?
— Searching for a Lounger
Should I remove my shoes on a long flight?
— Comfort at 30,000 Feet
A hotel guest is playing videos loudly by the pool. Should I confront them?
— Vacation Needs Volume Control
When traveling abroad, is it enough to use the manners I learned at home?
— Passport, Packed
My office is very casual. Do traditional professional manners still matter?
— Hoodie Meets Handbook
When introducing a junior colleague to a senior international client, should I follow rank or keep it casual?
— Caught Between Titles
My global team communicates very differently. Should everyone follow one company etiquette standard?
— Lost in Translation
I disagree with my manager in front of the team. Should I speak immediately or wait?
— Truth With Timing
My coworker replies ‘K’ or ‘Fine’ to everything. Is dry texting unprofessional?
— Reading Between Two Letters
Should I use reply-all, read receipts and CC to keep everyone accountable?
— Covering Every Base
My boss yelled during a meeting and called it passion. Is that acceptable leadership?
— Burned by the Fire
My manager delegates everything but gives no context or support. Is that empowerment?
— Empowered to Guess
A younger employee listens silently with no expression. Should I assume she is disengaged?
— Facing the Stare
Can I bring an AI notetaker into a meeting without telling everyone?
— Bot in the Room
I am sick but working from home is possible. Is taking the whole day off unprofessional?
— Resting With Guilt
A colleague criticized our office for using disposable cups. Was she right to call us out publicly?
— Green and Embarrassed
Remote employees are always talked over by people in the conference room. Who should fix it?
— Muted From Home
A new business contact did not answer my message for two days. Should I follow up again?
— Watching the Inbox
At a formal business dinner, should perfect table manners matter more than making guests comfortable?
— Forks Versus Feelings
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Meet your manners mentor
Adrienne Barker, MAS
Adrienne has spent more than 35 years helping people handle rooms, relationships and reputations with confidence. A graduate of The Protocol School of Washington, she brings international protocol expertise to the very human messes of modern life.
“Etiquette is not about being perfect. It is about making other people feel considered, without making yourself disappear.”